I'd lie
by lilapattinson
Summary: What do you do when you fall in love with your best friend ?  What if they finally find someone they love,. and its not you ... Should you keep chasing, or move on, what if moving on is deadly?
1. Chapter 1

**Clary POV**

Is it wrong to be in love with my best friend? He's the womanizer of the school and he always promises me that he will NEVER fall in love… I want to change that. Will he let me? I laugh and tell him everybody falls in love. He just shakes his head and promises me that he WILL never… Can I change that?

" GET UPP" Jocelyn screams from the kitchen sending me out of the very thought that I think A LOT…

I can smell the eggs and bacon from my room. They motivate me just a little to get up. And the fact that Jace Lightwood is picking me up. He doesn't know I possibly maybe definitely love him. All I think about is how he ALWAYS says that he will never fall in love and how I desperately want to change that. But I'm his best friend he probably thinks of me as a sister.

"UGHHH" I groan. I get of the bed more like roll off. I get up and start making my way to the bathroom to get ready. "CLARY YOU GOT 15 MINUTES BEFORE THE LIGHTWOODS GET HERE" my mom could be SOO annoying. I quickly grab dark wash ripped skinny jeans and a green v-neck sweater and let my fiery locks to roam free. I lug on my black converse and run downstairs to the breakfast that awaits me. I grab a piece of bacon and rush out the door just in time to hear the car honking. I see Jace first and he's looking in the back and smiling. I see Izzy next and she looks mad. I wonder why? Then I see why.

The reason Jace is smiling is because Aline is in the back!

I stop dead in my tracks and I swear my heart stopped. I don't think I can handle anymore hurt. He doesn't know it but I can't take it. Then what I see next got me running down the road to school not even bothering to listen to the crys of Izzy begging me to come back. Aline leans in and Jace kisses her. But not just that. I can faintly make out the I love you they tell to each other.

He never tells anyone I love you. Not unless. Not unless. "he means it" I say in a whisper as tears start coming down.

I'm too late. I run. I run faster and harder than I EVER had. I stop when I see the school. The pain engulfs me and I drop to the floor and wrap my arms around myself and rock back and forth. I know Jace doesn't belong to me but ALINE REALLY ! SHE HATES ME! She trips me in the halls laughs at me does everything to make me miserable. The next thing I feel is somebody picking me up.

I don't protest and start sobbing in the persons shoulder. I felt safe even though I didn't know who they were.

They start saying soothing words in my ear and they just make me sob louder. After a while I stop. I look up to see the persons face. I stare up into black eyes not the scary type but the make-your-heart-melt type and he had black hair that hanged shaggy down his face. I blush immediately and try to move away but he has a strong grip on me.

"Not that fast. I just saw this gorgeous girl sobbing and I help her and you decide to leave? Nope not on my watch." He grins and I blush a darker shade and look down.

"Hi I'm Sebastian Verlac."

"I'm Clary Fray." He grins at me and wipes away any stray tears on my face with his thumb and I blush even darker if that's possible. He leans down and whispers in my ear " I know I've just met you but will you do me the great honor of allowing me to take you out to dinner tomorrow night?" I giggle and nod my head. He chuckles and drapes an arm around me waist.

My mind is whirling how I can go from sobbing over Jace to going on a date with Sebastian.

One look behind me tells me why. There is Jace with a confused expression and Aline trying to get his attention.

I'm not gonna wait for him anymore.

**Please review and lemme know what you think ? should I continue or not :) thank you**

**love peace books 3**


	2. Chapter 2

Jace POV

Everything was a blur. Somehow in between Clary ran off crying. Why? What happened? Did I do something? Is she okay ? That's all I could think about all the way to school. But when I got there then I knew she was more than okay, she seemed perfectly happy snuggling up to HIM.

I growled and I griped the steering wheel tight enough that my knuckles turned white. Izzy looked at me and in a swift movement I was out and infront of HIM and Clary.

" Get your filthy freakin hands off of her." I sneered at HIM. I grabbed Clary's arm and roughly pushed aside and out of HIS grip. "JACE! What the hell is wrong with you, I'm not your property." Clary yelled at me. Her face was turning as red as her hair and she was jabbing a finger in my chest at each word. I lost my cool after that I grabbed her by the wrists and saw the pure fear and shock pass through her face and I push her.

Big mistake.

I pushed too roughly and knocked her on the ground. She fell with an umph on her butt. That was then I knew my heart would shatter. She looked up at me with her emerald eyes watery and then when I locked eyes with her a huge fat tear rolled down her face. She immediately got up and ran. I watched her run and run what seemed to be the way home, I wouldn't know cause the next thing I know is that I'm on the ground and HIM is in my face sneering, " If you EVER lay one finger on her again I will personally kill you a slow and painful death, got that Lightwood?"

I watch as HE gets up and goes up after her. I should be doing that. That's all I could think about.

Clary POV.

I tried to run, to run from Jace. Finally the sobs won't let me continue and I fall on the cold pavement. That's when I couldn't stop the sobs that starting going through me, I wrapped my arms around my knees and brought them up to my chest and I sat there for, I lost track of time until I felt a pair of strong arms picking me up and walking me to my door, I never saw that I fell infront of my house.

Sebastian picks me up and sets me down on the porch. I'm still sobbing and when I look at Sebastian, his eyes are angry and he keeps clenching his hands in fists. I grab his hands and squeeze. He looks at me then and what he did next took me by shock.

He kissed me.

He grabbed my face in his hands and started wiping my tears away with his thumbs. He has his arm around my waist and I'm still sobbing in his chest , he tightens his grip on me and starts rubbing cercles on my back to calm me down. I don't understand why Jace would do that. He found love, he means it. He loves Aline. And why does he hate Sebastian. He's the one that helped me through this, he came after me, he held me while I cried over Jace. His name brings hurt to my heart. I loved him… I did. But now I don't think I can ever face him again without crying. To see his happiness and love for Aline and not me is soul-shattering. But, I have Sebastian and he seems to really care. Jeez Clary you only knew him for what like three hours and you think that he's going to be the best boyfriend in the world. I inwardly slap myself for the fantasy I was building.

"uhh, thanks Sebastian. You really didn't have to come but I'm really glad you did .I-"

"I'm going to kill him Clary, he should never put his hands on a girl especially one as fragile and petite as you. Never." He growls and tightens his already tight grip on me.

"Heyy,. Its okay. Don't go doing anything for me that will cause problems one like killing him." I couldn't say his name, it hurt too much. The memories, they hurt too much. He was my best friend. He was.

Flashback;

Jace and I at seven and he was nine were playing in the local pool.

" CLAAARYYYY! COME IN THE POOL ITS FUN!"Jace screams. He's splashing in the pool.

"I can't." I say nervously , I start fiddling with my fingers. Jace already learned how to swim without water wings, and I hadn't, so I was too embarrassed to go in. I didn't want him to laugh.

"Why not?" Jace says while cocking his head to a side and looking very confused. "well its cause I never learned…" I turn my head and run so I don't have to hear his laughs that I know he will shed. But instead I felt a hand grab my arm and crush me to his chest.

" Its okay Clare-bear, I'll teach you right now." I look up at him with a huge grin and we run back to the pool. He spends the whole day teaching me how to swim and by the end of the day we were playing marco polo. By the time we got out we were a sack of pruned but we didn't care.

Those were the moments when I knew that a life without Jace is nothing. Until now.  
I looked up at Sebastian and I knew for the time being he was all I needed and wanted. Not somebody I could never have.

That was when I knew.

I'm done chasing Jace.

**OMG I FEEL SOOO BADDD.!  
IM SOO SORRY IT TOOK THIS LONG...but i was sick and then HAD like TOOOO many tests... but i did now and i promise to do it WAYYY more often :)  
thanks to all my reviews people ;) you really helped and supported me :)**

review please and suggestions welcome :)  
peace, love, books 3


	3. Chapter 3

**Jace POV**

_I hit her... I hit her. I FREAKIN HIT HER !_ That's what was going through my mind when I saw her leave, well more like stormed off. I didn't know what happened. She was just really getting me angry and I guess reflexes kicked in, but shit I wished they didn't.

** I ruined everything.**

She's my best friend.  
And I lost her. She left with him. Him. Him . Him. Him. HIM! I forgot all about who she was actually with. If he lays a finger on her I'm going to kill him.  
i realized then that she probably trusts him more than me.  
I'm the one who hit her.  
He's the one who was there for her.  
I walked through the rest of the day with an empty soul and heart.

After school today which neither Clary nor HIM came to. I wince at the mere mention name of her. I was going to go Clary's to apologise and sort everything out. She HAD to forgive me right? I reach her house which is only a block down from mine, I see my little red head on the little balcony outside of her room drawing.

A huge grin spreads across my face but drops immediately when I see HIM come around a give her a kiss.

WAIT ? A KISS ?

No, It can't be she would never move this fast. This is my little fiery red head that whenever a guy comes near her she mouths him off and leaves. She hasn't dated since eighth grade, which ironically was when i got my first girl friend. Huh ?  
Anger course through me I run through her house knowing full well that her parents were gone like they always are everyday of the week. I run up the stair knowing her house like the back of my hand, all those sleepovers with Clary helped that.

I barge in her room knowing they wouldn't hear me anyways cause they seemed too busy suckin face. By now I was seeing red spots in my vision. Rage flashed through me and i lunged at HIM and tore him off Clary.  
She screamed and when green met gold I swore sparks flew but that was cut off but HIM getting back up and lunging at me and punching me in the jaw.  
"STOP STOP JACE PLEASE SEBASTIEN PLEASE JUST STOP !"that was all you could hear.

The frantic voice of Clary begging on her knees for us to stop. There were tears on her already tear stained face. I cringed knowing they were caused at my hand. Next thing i know is instead of hitting a hard filthy face i hit something soft and see Clary on the other side of the room on the floor a pillow in front of her face covering her sobs. I start to run over to her but HE beats me to it and grabs her and crushes her to his chest. He starts rocking back and forth saying soothing words over and over and again in her ear, it just makes her cling to him and sob uncontrollably.  
Instead of anger I feel empty and drained. 

I used to hold her like that when she got hurt.  
When people bullied her.  
When she needed comfort.

What happened what all she needed was me ?  
How could that change in one day ?

I'm not going to give up on her now. I'm the cause of her pain well I'm going to be the one to fix it.  
"Clary I need to speak to you." I say through clenched teeth but even i could hear the desperation in my voice begging her to comply with me.  
I see her in all her red eyed and tear stained face look up at me I see that in her eyes she doesn't want to, but i can read Clary like an open book. 

She slowly got up to much to HIS objections and pecked him on the lips and stumbled over to me. When i tried to steady her she flinched away from my touch. I felt my heat constrict with that sign. We walk down to the living room in awkward silence once we get there Clary moves to the couch and wraps her arms around herself.

I lost my anger at that then why is she acting doing this ? 

"Damn it Clary stop doing that, stop acting like I'm going to hurt you !" I scream at her my anger finally unleashing from its cage deep inside of me.

"It's not you like didn't before two times that is !" she screams right back at me.

I cringe cause I know she's right but I cover it right back up before she can fully register it.

"Clary-  
"No Jace I'm tired of forgiving you. I'm tired of being the one left hurt. Jace I'm tired of this. Sebastien makes me feel good about myself he helps me when you bring me down. Jace I- I" She breaks off sobbing 

I'm frozen in place.

She trusts HIM ? HIM ? NO! She can't!

Then I really got angry. 

"TRUST HIM ! Are you freaking kidding me Clary ? Do you know what he did to Isabelle ? huh ? he raped her then beat her ! He beat my little sister. Isabelle hasn't gone out with anybody for the past two years because he raped her. HE RAPED HER ! CLARY DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT OR ARE YOU TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND THAT TOO ? Your clueless is if you think that look of care and love isn't of lust , that when he's done with you, you'll be more broken than Isabelle? Cause my sister was strong but Clary your weak , weak and gullible. Your gonna get hurt and I'm not going to be there to pick you right back up no I'm going to say I told you so and walk away." I break off panting and realize i advanced on her to the point where I was towering over her. By this point when green met gold sobs were wracking her body.

"Make a choice." I tell her breathless.  
I start to walk off towards the door but not before i hear the silent "I loved you Jace. I've loved you since eighth grade but you always broke my heart." She said it so quietly that I swore it was in my imagination.

I froze with my hand on the doorknob and look back at my best friend, thats the girl that I had sleepovers with , the girl that we would have water fights in the middle of the summer heat or the countless hours making snowmen in the winter. My best friend loved me. 

Did I love her ?

" But Jace I know by the way you look at Aline that your heart belongs to her. You promised me that you would never fall in love with anybody. But you did. And my heart broke this morning when I could hear you say it to Aline. I'm not good enough for you. You see all my flaws as mistakes things that make me ugly, but Sebastian seems to really want to be with me even possibly love me later on. Jace I love you. But i know you don't love me and Jace it breaks my heart, but after what you just told me you seem me as nothing but a nuiscense. Jace Lightwood don't you ever talk to me again. Don't come near me ever again either. I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME WASTE ALL THOSE YEARS ON YOU ! I HATE YOU JACE I HATE YOU FOR LYING ABOUT THE SWEETEST GUY I EVER MET! GO TO HELL AND ROT FOR ALL I CARE !" she has constant tears pouring down her face and near the end she shouting at me so loud i thought I was going to cry at the emotion potrayed in her voice.

She crumples to the floor and the sobs continue to convulse her body. I turn and leave but not without quietly telling her "Goodbye Clary" and shutting the door. The whole walk home all that was on my mind was ; What have I done ? 

**I'm sorry I don't update often i was really busy.  
please review and give some suggestions !  
thank you :)  
.books **


	4. Chapter 4

**Jace P.O.V  
**It's been two years since I've seen Clary.  
It's been two years since my redhead beauty has been in my arms or even at my house.  
It's been two years since she's been with HIM.

I'm a senior now and on the football team with HIM .She'll come to every game and cheer him on from the bleachers but never spare a glance at me. Since she's been with him she's abandoned the life she had before. Izzy is having the hardest time with her moving on. Clary was her only girlfriend and now she's abandoned her. Most of the time I'm there for Izzy but on the nights she's bawling and screaming her head off at me demanding what I did to cause Clary to leave. 

Each time I walk away and go to my room. 

I know I am the cause. 

My moment of weakness and furious words caused my redhead to abandon our friendship of 14 years. To be with HIM. Her trust for him was more. 

He'll always me more.  
I broke it off with Aline about a month after our fight, her words always ringing in my head "I loved you Jace. I loved you since the eighth grade but you always broke my heart" 

Did i really love my redhead. My best friend. Did I ?

And that was when I ran into something tiny and soft. On instinct my arms wrapped around the person to keep them from falling.

"Sorry didn't see you there." I muttered hoping to just be on my way but then when I look up I'm staring straight into two emerald eyes. My grip tightens immediately and I grab her wrists to prevent her from running away like she always does.

She whimpers as I soon realize of pain. As fast as i had held onto her I let go. Big mistake.  
She ran from me.  
She runs as fast as her little legs can take her.  
Runs from her best friend.

What if she really hates me.? 

Clary P.O.V

I ran.  
I knew I shouldn't of.  
But he saw me he wouldn't be happy and keeping him happy is keeping me happy.  
I can never get near Jace again.

**Okayy, I understand that its short but. another one will be either out today or tommorow. I`m sick so its writing day.  
REVIEWW, ! suggestions ALWAYS welcome :D**

**.books**


	5. Chapter 5

**Jace P.O.V**

After that rather uneventful encounter I haven't seen Clary in six months.  
Isabelle's gotten much worse; she's taken to sulking in her room on weekends when she and Clary would be shopping or at the salon all under Izzy's force. I chuckle to myself those were the days.  
Not these days. 

Not the days when I pass Clary's house and I see her waiting for Sebastian.  
She's taken a liking to long pants and shirts. I never see her in her cute little band shirts she loves, or her ripped up jeans she begged Izzy to buy her. But then again she never wore makeup and now it looks like her makeup is going to peel off and run away from her face. 

She changed.  
Everybody sees it.  
Following Sebastian like a love sick puppy everywhere. 

He stops she stops. He drinks water she waits patiently for him without a single complain. He tells her to get his books she scrambles to get them nearly tripping over herself eve time. Most of the time she does end up falling and he stands there and whispers something so dreadful she goes paler she already is and tears fill her eyes, she'll frantically get up and sprint to get his books. Never complaining once. 

What happened to my fiery red headed  
I think her fire died out.  
Sebastian burned her fire out.  
But then why is she with him?

**Clary P.O.V**

Threats.  
Gold eyes.  
Hurt gold eyes.  
Threats.  
Black eyes.  
Black  
_Black  
_Black  
**_BLACK._**

**Jace P.O.V**

It's the night of graduation everybody's excited to get out of this hell hole. But I'm dreading it.  
Here's the only place I can see Clary.  
I've taken a type of routine of passing Clary's house and Sebastian's house when I go for a walk at night.

Instead of a beaming dancing Clary I see her on her bed rocking back and forth curled in on herself every single night. Come to think of it she quit art the month after she started dating Sebastian; she used to carry that sketchpad like her baby now I never see it. 

The bell brings me out of my thoughts and I start to make my way to the door until somebody attaches themselves to my arm just like Clary does, a pang rings through my hearts she _used _to . When I look down imp met with Kellie the new slut of the school.

I groan inwardly but don't say anything, Jace Lightwood doesn't go to grad ALONE. Never and who better then my stereotypical girl, more like pest. Jeez do they all have to be so clingy I think with an annoyed sigh I continue my way down the hall with my smirk in place to my locker.

I gather my books give a forced wink to Kaelie and a kiss on her cheek which taste like some product. A gross product. I head to the doors to make my way home and see Clary huddled in the corner clutching her arm as blood WAIT blood ? It pours down her arm and onto her lap.

She seems dazed but gets up and runs as fast as her legs can take her to her house still clutching her hand.

I'm frozen in shock.

Did Clary cut herself or did Sebastian do this ?

Rage flashed through me and I clenched my fists if he hurts her I'm going to kill him.

Kill him until his damned soul goes to hell and stays there.

I drive home in that daze and am met with Izzy frantically finishing her makeup, I glance at the clock oh crap I must have token to longer route home.

Shit.

I run upstairs and put on my suit and run my fingers through my hair.

I smile inwardly as I remember Clary telling me she thought I looked like a lion, a fierce lion of course. Clary, why can't she see the pain she's causing us. We were her best friends. I still have her voice in my mind the last time she ever talked to me in two years _I loved you Jace_. Why can't I decide whether I love her or not. I don't know what to think. She loved me and I walked out on her.  
I sigh as a shudder passes through me.  
I miss Clary.  
I miss my fiery red head.  
I miss her laugh.  
I miss her smile.  
I miss her witty and sarcastic answers to anything I would tell her.  
I miss how she had that fiery temper.  
I miss her sketches.  
I miss how she's the only girl who could make me scared for my life.  
I miss her.  
I miss her.  
I miss her. 

What have I done?  
Come back Clary.

I need you.  
I miss you.  
I wish I could take back that morning I made the mistake of telling Aline I loved her.  
I never did.  
But in that moment I didn't care for anybody more than her.  
I was wrong I care more for somebody.

The same somebody who told me go rot in hell.  
The same somebody I walked out on.  
I'm an asshat.  
I chuckle lightly at Clary;s clever use of words to describe me.  
I sigh and make my way downstairs to graduate from my only source to Clary.

I'm standing next to Kaelie and let me tell you she , she has on a scrap of pink material covering her essentials and nothing else.

I'm disgusted but continue to play Jace the ass Lightwood act to her and she seems to be happy as long as she's touching me.

I look around frantically trying to distract myself from her long witch nails scraping up and down my biceps. 

That's when I see her. 

She has on a green dress that makes her eyes pop and her hair seems like a uncontrollable fire burning bright in the darkness of the gym. The green dress dips low in the back, very low almost to her waist in a v-neck type of dip, then it's a lace long sleeves that are green and the dresses flows around her in a very elegant way.

To simply put it she looked beautiful. Izzy was floored, probably thinking the same thing i was what happened to out fashionably challenged friend.

I didn't care. I could only focus on the deep black eyes of Sebastian; the way he looked at Clary was almost terrifying.

I turn to look at Clary and for a second gold meets green.

The world seems to stop until Sebastian roughly guides her to the other side of the room.

I sigh and continue through the night like a zombie. 

Always keeping an eye on Clary, I haven't seen her speak or make any movement until Sebastian tells her too,

The night ends and I have to pry Kaelie off my arm.

WAY too clingy I'm going to break up with her tomorrow.

She isn't Clary. Never will be. When I get home, I jump in the shower letting all the stiffness in my shoulder wash away, I let the scolding water take over my whole essence for the next fifteen minutes until i realize I should get out now before all the hot water runs out. 

I step out of the shower get dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt throw on some black vans and go for my walk. 

I pass by Clary's house and nobodies there. 

That's weird Clary should be home by now. 

Her parents left for Texas after the after party at our school for the graduates. 

I quicken my pace as I head for Sebastian I know she's there. 

I'm around the corner when I hear screams and cries of pain and help. 

My heart breaks as I realize that it's Clary voice. 

I break into a run.

I run until I'm at the door.

I'm there to see her running out makeup smeared and running down her face mixed with sobs that wrack her body.  
I'm there to see her ripped dress.  
I'm there to see the black eye all that makeup covered.  
I'm there to see all the black and blue bruises all along her exposed body in the shape of an angry hand.  
I'm there to see her run right pass me unto the road in an attempt to runaway from Sebastian.  
I'm not there to see the S.U.V ram into my petite redhead and send her body flying down the road.  
She wasn't there to see it either.

**This is the longest chapter I ever wrote.  
Hope you like it.  
Review and send suggestions :D  
thank you, ;D  
**


	6. Chapter 6

Jace POV

My legs give out from underneath me. 

I can't believe what had just happened. 

My mind is screaming her name.

This is not real. 

It only takes me a second to realize that I'm screaming her name over and over again. 

The cries I thought were hers are mine. 

I'm crying. 

I haven't cried since I was four. 

She lays perfectly still in the middle of the dirty road, with her torn dress and the bruises that adorn her whole body. 

As my eyes land on one that surrounds her neck in a shape of hand. I force my legs up and run over to her. 

She's laying still with blood surrounding her. 

HER blood. 

I grab at her frantically and lay her bleeding head on my lap. 

"Clary, Clary, Clary please. Don't you dare die on me. I'm sorry. Clary please." I say in her beautiful hair that was previously a mesmerizing shade of red turned a ghoulish red from her blood. The thought makes the tears leak effortlessyly from my eyes now, i grab at her body crush her to me. Soaking my shirt in her blood, but i don't care this is Clary, my Clary. 

I don't hear the ambulance come my way. 

As they try to pry her away from my grip I tighten it. 

I fight with them until one of the EMT's let me ride with her. 

I'm terrified to let go of her. 

They lay her down on my chest in the gurney. 

I will not let go of her.  
I will not.  
I caused this. 

The yelling of arrival jolts me out of my thoughts as they roll us in the OR, by then

i've gotten off and am frantically clutching to her hand. 

Throughout the whole ordeal she hasn't made any movement nor has she spoken.

My chest tightens at the tough of losing her. I'm beyond the point of caring of the stares i'm getting at my stained shirt covered in blood or as i cry for the first time in almost 13 years

. One of the nurses directs me to the waiting area. 

That's where I collapse on the floor, with my head in my hands . 

The tears silently roll down my face as I can see them trying to bring life back into Clary's lifeless eyes. 

I turn away not being able to watch this anymore. 

I'm engulfed in a huge hug from none other than Izzy herself, she's sobbing and repeating "OH Clary, please not you Clary no."

I hold onto her as she sobs in my shoulder both of us to numb to get off the floor.

Too numb to come to the reality that are best friend might be dead right now. 

If she dies how will I tell her that "I-I love her." |

I feel Izzy's eyes on me . 

"Wh-What did you say?" she says in a shaky voice, her makeup smeared from her crying. 

Before I got a chance to answer she pulls out from my arms, "She told you didn't she? She told you and you ignored her, She told you and you didn't care. That's why she's in there. That's why she stayed with Sebastian. That's why she left me." She says this in a low whisper as tears leak down her face. She knows. 

Clary told her. 

I hang my head in shame as Izzy storms out of the hospital in tears. 

She's right I put her in this goddamned place. 

I sit there for the next two hours numb, void of any emotion.

Suddenly a nurse calls out anybody here for Clarissa Fray. 

I jump at the name and scramble over to her.  
"Are you family?" she asks in a nasally voice chewing her gum like a retarded cow. I bite back a retort on her gum chewing. " No they are not in the country right now, I'm her only family at the moment." I tell her in a voice that doesn't sound like my own. It's dead. 

She motions with her hand for me to follow her . 

I walk in a daze to her room. 

What will she look like with her life hanging by a thread? 

With Izzy still gone, how will I be able to face her. 

I'm the source of her pain. 

I broke my promise. 

_Flashback_

_Clary had gotten cheated on by her first boyfriend, I was of course with Aline and comforted her to my best ability. She was hurt. She could barely talk without breaking out into tears at the thought that she wasn't good enough for some guy. It made my blood boil for someone to hurt my Clary that bad.  
That day I made a promise to myself I would never hurt her or let anybody else hurt her._

_Never again._

_End of flashback._

I broke the promise. 

I destroyed that promise. 

I destroyed her.

I walk into the room to have the wind knocked out of me at the scene of Clary. 

Millions of different tubes pertruding from every inch of her beautiful porclain skin turned a ghoulish almost translucent colour, I stumble back and hit the wall.  
I sink to the floor and the nurse leaves me to mourn my best friend. And m-my love.

Even thinking it I can't believe I never saw it,  
Why did it have to be too late. 

Why did I have to be such a coward and leave when she told me she loved me. 

How can I save my love when she's dying at my hands, 

That seems to snap me out of my thoughts  
"Sebastian" I growl. 

I'm gonna kill him. 

I'm gonna make him suffer a slow death. 

Make him suffer to what he did to my Clary. 

I stumble over to her bedside and clutch at her hand. 

"I'm sorry Clary, I'm so sorry," tears drop freely onto her pale hand.  
at that moment the doctor walks in. 

I don't even acknowledge him not being able to take my eyes off Clary, my dying Clary.  
"Jace?" I nod my head.  
" Son, I have some bad news for you, I'm sorry." 

I turn to look at him and nod for him to continue, knowing my heart can't break anymore that it already has.| 

Numb  
Numb  
Numb, 

that's all I am.

"First of all, I have a question, did you know she was abused or that she cut herself? It's been afflicted over a big period of time, son, the car crash sent her body into overdrive, she shouldn't have gone into a coma but due to the trauma her body has already suffered, it shut down. Son, if you care so deeply for this girl where you were when all this occurred, i know it's not my place, but I'm sorry for the news. We will keep her in hopes she will wake up, we predict if she doesn't show signs of consciousness then were going to have to pull the plug, I'm sorry son"

"Your right where was I" I whispered to myself 

The doctor leaves and i clutch her hand harder, 

"Clary you have to promise me not to leave me, please Clary, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I left you that day, I should of just grabbed you and kicked that sorry excuse for a human being out of your house, Clary why didn't you believe, DAMMIT CLARY WHY DIDN'T YOU FREAKIN BELIEVE ME!" by this point i got out of chair and made a perfect hole the size of my fist in the wall, tears falling from my face.

Why did I have to leave you.  
Why did I have to be the worst best friend  
Why did I have to look the other way when cleary you needed my help.  
Why did I have to ignore all the warning signs that scum left on you.  
Why did I have to walk out on you.  
Why did I have to abandon my bestfriend and t-true l-love.  
Why did I have to banish my true love to death,

"Oh Clary I'm sorry, Clary I'm sorry Clary C-Clary.." I break off as I slide down the wall and put my head in my hands.

"I love you."

**I'm sooo sorry it takes me this long to update but i had difficulty writing thiss,  
thanks for all my supporters and for everybody who reads this, you don't know how grateful I am,  
-lilapattinson :3**


	7. Chapter 7

Jace POV.

After spending a whole month in the hospital occasionally leaving to change and shower, I was pretty much thrown out on the terms of " I would send myself here by my constant worrying"

Grudgingly I left, but I visit my precious Clary every afternoon. Izzy still doesn't talk to me. 

She'll come by herself to the hospital. 

I've changed. 

Sending your best friend and supposed true love can do that to a person. 

I walk around the halls numb, having to look at the faces of pity of the others. 

Everybody knowing what that scum did to Clary, speaking of which has never returned, after the football, soccer and lacrosse team payed a little visit to him, he has since never shown his face here.

I've heard he's transferred to another school close by, but if he even thinks about coming to finish what he started on Clary if she wakes up, I will not let anything stop me from wiping that smirk of his face and watching the colour and light drain from his face sending him to the depthest parts of hell. 

If Clary comes back. 

Its been two months and nothing from Clary. 

Not one movement, nothing. 

She lays there motionless as I pour my heart out to her every day. 

As I kiss her hand, begging her to wake up. 

As I wish, hope dream for those mesmerizing green eyes stare back at me once more. 

As I watch the nurses look at me with a look of pity and understanding in their eyes. 

As the doctor urge me to let her go, that her chances of survival are getting slimmer and slimmer. 

As I see the life drain from my love day by day and knowing im the cause. 

I can barely look at myself in the mirror. 

What will she think of me, 

I'm a monster.  
************************************************************************************************************************************

The end of the day nears telling me that its almost time to visit Clary again,

There's only two more periods to go. 

I walk down the halls my head hung in almost a shameful way until i feel someone

calling my name of should I say my less preffered name, 

"" I mentally groan, its Aline, the girl who started this all, the one I had to say I love you to, even though I know realize never meant it.

She runs up to me and kisses me on the cheek with her huge lips and bright red lipstick making it look like she just drank somebody's blood, hell she looks like a freaking oompallompa, calling Willy Wonka one of you oompallompa's have escaped you may find them in aisle slut.

I try to walk faster not having the spirit to tell her to leave me alone. 

She walks faster just to catch up to me. 

"Jaceypoo, I thnk we should get back together now that Sebastian took care of that freak, she's not here to distract you, we can be together forever." She says in her annoying nasal voice. A shiver passes through me as she says "together forever" 

"Uhh" Thank the gods my phone seemed to ring but that sent a jolt of panic through me too, cause I told the hospital anything happened to Clary you call me.

"I got to take this," I walk away and swiftly pull out my phone. Yup, the hospital, 

"Hello," 

"Jace, come quickly she's woken up."

**Thank you for all the reviews, they make my day, I've got the writing bug, i might even update again today :)  
sorry its short but i meant for it to be this way, :)  
I'm sorry i left you with a sort-of cliffy? :/  
suggestion, review, :)  
thank you again,. :3**


	8. Chapter 8

Jace POV.

I never knew my legs could travel that fast, I ran out the school like there was some force chasing me out, but really it was that Clary was alive. 

I wanted to shout out loud MY ANGEL IS ALIVE! 

I wanted to run and grab her and never let her out of mysight again.  
Get a hold of yourself Jace, she might not even forgive you, you did abandon her after all, that little voice in the back of my head kept on nagging me, but I knew in my heart that she would, she has to, I can't bear to be away anymore, she has to bring me back to life, im dead. I need to live again. 

Before I know it I'm at the hospital racing towards her room, the doctor tries to stop me but I barge in the room, and see finally her emerald eyes staring back at me. 

"Clary finally," I start to walk over but then she says something worse than anything else, 

"Who are you?" I stop dead in my tracks, no no,no no no no no, this can't be happening, I sink to the floor not being able to support myself, I get her back now this, no no no no no. 

I bury my head in my hands. I peak through my hands looking at her, she's staring at me with a weird expression, but then turns her head like I'm nothing just some crazy dude who seems to have freaked out

The doctor walks in, seeing my demeanour and walks me out to "talk" to me or as I know now this is the bad news time, what could be worse than my Clary not remembering me, how could this happen?

They never predicted this.

"Jace ,this is the first time I've ever seen this in my entire carrer, but I have heard of this. Jace , after being evaluated by a psychiatrist we have concluded with the diagnosis that Clary has been traumatized beyond the point of human understanding, so she has mentally decided to forget all her memories from her "former life" in other words Jace anything that happened before her coma she will not remember, unless she opens up which in many cases never happen. I'm sorry son."

He walks away leaving me with tears rolling down my face. She really is as good as gone, she doesn't remember me. 

Her best friend. 

Her true love. 

She doesn't remember me. 

She chooses not to remember me. 

I fall again to the hospital floor,tears falling freely, not realizing when Izzy comes in gets the news and for the first time in almost two months makes any point of talking to me. 

She engulfs me in a hug knowing that's all I need right now

When your best friend doesn't remember you, 

When your true love doesn't want to remember you.

What do you have to live for.

**here;s another chapter in one day !**

review suggestions, :)  
thank you  
-lilapattinson,


	9. Chapter 9

Jace POV

Three months since I was told Clary didn't want to remember anything, since she was "traumatized beyond human understanding". 

She's moved on. 

In three months she moved on to another group of friends. 

Erasing any traces of us in her life.  
Izzy has tried numerous times to talk to her, but Clary really doesn't want to remember any of us, since then Izzy has never been the same. 

How does one forget eighteen years of friendship after three months? 

I have to go through everyday seeing her act like the old Clary with some rat Simon.

Everyday their together. 

Like we used to be. 

Everyday my heart breaks more and more seeing her.

About a month ago this all became a reality when I saw she threw out her scrapbook of us. 

Out in the trash,  
where anybody could take it. 

That day she threw my heart away. 

I kept it. 

I kept the only thing proving we did exist in her life. 

I never showed Izzy knowing she would die just more then she needed, 

I still loved her. 

I never stopped but how can I continue knowing she doesn't want to remember me. 

We start University next week. 

I'm in all her classes. 

How can I see her get married, live her life, fall in love and with anybody but me. 

Doesn't she understand how this is affecting me. 

I can barely contain the nightmares caused by her, at night. 

Replaying what Sebastian did to her. 

Watching myself stand there, even laugh at her some nights. 

How can I live with myself knowing she doesn't want to remember anything about me because I hurt her that bad.

I woke up from my bed, like every other morning with a dazed look, never acting the same.

As I get up I hear some soft crying coming from the front yard, since my room faced that way and my window was open I hear a lot of odd things. 

But this crying intrigued me. 

I've had screaming girls yelling at me for breaking up with them but never crying. 

I gingerly look out. 

I swear my heart broke. 

Clary. 

She's sitting on the edge of the curb with her arms wrapped around herself crying. 

My heart leaps, 

"She remembers." 

I whisper almost as if to make sure this is real. 

My angel remembers. 

She remembers. 

I run downstairs at speed only superheroes should run. 

I throw the door open. 

Gold meets Green. 

She bolts up and runs. 

" NO PLEASE." 

she doesn't stop. 

"please" I whisper. 

I fall to the floor as tears fall down and soak my t-shirt. 

She ran from me. 

I drag myself back inside numb, 

always numb. 

As the day drags on, I go out for a run around the block,  
always doing this four-five times a day, 

hoping, praying, wishing I'll see Clary. 

As I reach her house I see her sleeping on the lawn with her sketchbook next to her. 

My heart breaks, she always fell asleep outside saying the air calmed her.  
I have a tug of war going on inside my heart. 

Should I pick her up and bring her back to her room. 

Or not. 

Before I can properly decide rat-boy comes out and glares at me but not before picking her up and taking her back inside. 

I'm supposed to do that. 

That should be me. 

Why.  
Why can't she remember?  
Why doesn't she want to?  
Why can't my angel love me again?  
Why did this happen to me.  
Why.  
Why.  
Why.

**sorry it took long to update but i might update another of even three times in the next two days,.  
I'm sick so updatey time :)  
hope you guys can forgive me :)  
love you alll for supporting me  
reviews, suggestions  
thanks :)  
-lilapattinson**


	10. Chapter 10

Clary POV.

I can't believe I almost let him see me. 

He can't see me. 

I'm not ready. 

Mystery man can't see me no matter how much I want him to, 

I feel like I know mystery man. 

But he seems so sad around me, it breaks my heart, 

But I can't seem to go up to him. 

"NO NO NO NO PLEASE PLEASE" 

The flashbacks starts, a demon with black eyes hits me over and over and over again. 

"STTTTOOOOPPPPP" I scream clutching my head. 

Simon holds me as the sobs rack my body. 

I wish mystery man would hold me like this.

Jace POV.

I run more often now. 

Just in hopes of seeing her again. 

When I pass today. 

I hear her screaming, 

Crying, and rat-boy holding her. 

My fists clench and I start seeing red. 

If rat-boy laid a finger on her.  
I might as well be charged guilty now, cause I'd be more then happy to kill him right here right now. 

As fast as the crying came, it stopped, I gingerly look through the window and see her drinking some water and laughing at something rat-boy probably said.  
Just like nothing happened. 

Whats going on with my angel ? 

I continue with my run not wanting to be caught but not before gold meets green. 

I see something flicker in her eyes, 

Sadness, betrayal and the strongest of them all 

love.

She doesn't remember but loves me. 

I run away with tears running freely down my face. 

Not caring who sees me or what they think of a nineteen year old boy crying. 

If only my angel could tell that to my face, not making me assume. 

If only.

**Second chapter in ONE DAY!  
hope im making up for lost time, :)  
if not im truly sorry i kept you all waiting,. :)**

reviews suggestions, :)  
-lilapattinson


	11. Chapter 11

Clary POV.

Today is the first day of me new life. 

I'm starting University to become a teacher, I don't know why but I always had some pull towards this field. 

I heard Simon talking to my mom, when she actually is home, that mystery man will be in all my classes. 

I was happy but then a feeling of dread took over. 

I sink to the bathroom floor cluthing my heart waiting for the flashbacks to stop.

_I hear Jace screaming my name, I hear Sebastian screaming my name, I hear the car coming but I don't stop running, I can't. I see the blinding lights. I feel the impact on my head. I black feeling Jace holding me._

By now my breathing is rapid and I'm crying.

Who's Jace ?

Who's Sebastian?

But deep down inside I know who they are, why can't I accept it.

But I can't.

I get up slowly as if to not fall back down to my nightmares. I brush through my unruly curls and put it up in a messy ponytail with my bangs falling down on the sides of my face. I grab my outfit for the day, a pair of dark wash jeans and long sleeve white see-through shirt with a green tank top underneath.

I check the clock, 7:55, I still have an hour I slip into my white vans and decide to go for a walk.

As I'm walking downstairs I remember I forgot to wear my necklace .

I run back upstairs and grab the beautiful silver chain with a silver ring with three names imprinted on, "_Izzy, Jace , Clary" _

I only recognized my own, but I feel the need to wear it.

As I slip it on, I see angry marks on my wrists.

"W-What?"

I pull up both my sleeves. 

That's when I see the angry marks on the inside of my wrists that I caused. 

That's when the flashbacks started and I couldn't stop them. 

The last thing I see before I blackout is Simon screaming my name and the name

Jace on my lips.

Jace POV.

Today's the first day of University. 

Today's the first day I get to see Clary everyday for the next six years.  
I'm studying to become a music teacher at Julliard and Clary a elementary school teacher.

I remember her gushing about how she got excepted. 

She never told me though 

I heard it from Sebastian, bragging to the football team about his smart girlfriend. 

I shake my heads to clear them of all the bad memories. 

I step on the cold shower tile and turn on the blazing water hoping to loosen my tighten muscles, as I step out I look at myself in the mirror. 

I don't recongnize myself.  
Blood shot eyes.  
Bags under my eyes.  
Paled skin.  
I look dead. 

Not the usual cokcy self absorbed Jace not the player.  
No.  
The Jace trying to get his true love to remember him. 

I sigh and proceed to get dressed,  
I put on a par of ripped jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt and tie up my gray converses.

The finishing touch.  
The neckalace me Izzy and Clary got for out thirteenth birthday. 

I grip it tight enough that its imprinted inside my palm. 

" JACE OOHMYGOD JAACEE GET DOWN HERE JAACEE"  
Izzy's screaming breaks me out of my reverie. 

I bolt downstairs to find Izzy with tears streaming down her face.  
"J-Jace it's Clary she fainted and hit her head on the tile floor, she's in the hospital" She breaks off as she runs to puke in the toilet. This as literally killed Izzy.

She's lost weight.  
"No not again Clary why must you do this to me."

I run through the door of the hospital passing old patients, young patients, only looking for a familiar red head, I run past the nurse's desk as the y scream the number of her room, already anticipating my visitor.

As I reach the door, I see her sitting up on her bed her red hair flowing counting the cuts on her arms with tearful eyes.

I stop dead in my tracks I had forgotten,  
My angel had cut herself as to cope with her hurting.  
I saw warnings but never asked trying to keep my pride.  
As she looks up, recognition passes through her eyes until they turn back to the lifeless eyes she has now, always faking her happiness. 

I always could read her like an open book. 

I take a cautious step towards her.  
"C-Clary," 

She continues counting her marks.  
"Is your name Jace ?"  
Her question astonishes me. 

"Y-Yes," My answer comes out as stuttered, I mentally curse at myself for being so weak.  
I look up at her face and see the anger flash through her eyes.  
" Why the hell is your name on this goddamn neckalace I can't seem to forget?"

She found the neckalace. 

She knows what it is. 

She doesn't want to, 

"Damn it Clary stop lying to yourself, you know why, I'm your best friend, so is the other name Izzy. While you play your stupid game you got going on here Izzy is at home dying more every day. Damn it Clary I'm dying every second with your litte memory loss." I break off panting. I may not have been yelling, but I never meant to tell her this way. Guilt overwhelms me as I see her eyes tear up with fresh tears. 

"Cla-"  
"Get out. GET THE HELL OUT , YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME. GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" she breaks off sobbing and wrapping her arms around herself. 

As I'm about to leave. 

I change my mind.  
No. 

I ran away too many times. 

"No Clary, No I'm not leaving." 

"Why do you care, you already ruined my life once just leave." She whispers.  
" Clary you clearly remember, why can't you just give me another chance. Let me tell you. Let me show you anything Clary. Please I'm begging, please." I'm on my

knees next to her bed, holding her fragile hand. 

She looks at me with such an intensity I've never seen before. 

" People who had a choice to help and didn't don't get a second chance. Now leave."

She rips her hang out of mine and turns her head. 

I stand up, heart shattered and numb. I make my way to the door, not before I hear

something merely a whisper

"Goodbye mystery man, I wished you loved me then."  
I turn back and continue out the door of the hospital room but not before I reply

" Goodbye Clary I wish I realized I loved you then too,"

I know she heard me. 

I know because I could hear her soft sniffles as I leave. 

Once I reach my car, I let the tears flow freely. 

I blew it, 

I'll never get my love back.

Or maybe I will.

**Third update in twoo days! yay!  
well this is was quite hard to write,  
I know everybody's waiting for happy but i need to work it up there.  
This is not gonna end badly, i'll put it that way :)**

**suggestions review :)  
-lilapattinson**


	12. Chapter 12

Jace POV.

Six long months. 

Six freakin months. 

I haven't spoken to my angel. 

She's in every class I have expect for music and we never talk. 

It kills me. 

Kills me to see the hungry eyes of the guys who want her.  
Kills me to see her trust her life with that rat.  
Kills me to catch her staring at me.  
Kills me the second she turns her head and goes on as if nothing happend. 

Almost everyday gold meets green for a fraction of a second until I can see in her eyes the battle within she's facing. 

To let me in or not. 

Everytime I hope she will decide and let me in. 

But everytime my hopes are crushed.  
stomped on.  
thrown away.  
my heart left shattered. 

In one month it will be a year since Clary changed. 

Since she decided to forget everything. 

Shouldn't I just started doing the same ? 

I let my eyes land on Kaelie. 

Plaster on my famous smirk and strut towards her.

Clary POV,  
I run home today. 

I run as fast as my legs will let me.|  
Knowing I won't be able to hold the tears in any longer. 

I make it to my house and bolt through the doors ignoring the protest my legs are making. 

I slam my bedroom door and collapse against it. 

The sobs attack me in a frenzy that sends me hyperventilating and rocking myself back and forth. 

I don't understand why. 

I mean I'm the one who can't mentally remember Jace. 

I'm the one who doesn't want to. 

I don't want to remember the abandonment. 

I don't want to remember the hurt. 

I don't want to remember any of it. 

I don't want to remember the sense of lost of when he never said I love you back. 

None. 

Then why did it hurt when I saw Kaelie and Jace making out in the quad?

_**omfg. finally another update, maybe even another one today ! ouuu,  
but first i need some reviews cause i really want to know if you guys like it or not.  
if you guys want some things in it i don't include just let me know .  
thank for everything, !  
-lilapattinson**_


	13. Chapter 13

Jace POV.  
I'm an idiot. 

A selfish idiot. 

As my brain finally starts to forget Clary and remember my old ways as Kaelie and I get a little heated.

I hear a small gasp.  
I break free of Kaelie and catch a glimpse of red flying through the quad.  
I feel an odd satisfaction of making her hurt like she made me hurt for the past year. 

It's quickly replaced by overwhelming guilt.  
I just hurt my angel.  
I push Kaelie off of me, slightly registering her shocked face but it passes my mind and I try to catch up with my angel. 

Failing.  
She's nowhere in sight. 

I slow down to a walk as I pass her house on my way to my own, I look up to her room, seeing her perched on her window still, sketching with a tear stricken face.  
She looks up momentarily as if sensing my eyes on her.

Her beautiful green eyes lock with my gold ones. 

She holds my gaze for a fraction of a second until tears start to form in her eyes and she's forced to look away.  
I watch as she gets up in her blue boy shorts and white tank top and walks away her arm around her torso, as if holding herself together. 

I mentally slap myself.  
Any thoughts of getting close to her again diminished with my stupid ass move with Kaelie. 

But can she really be that upset with me. 

I mean for one entire year all I did was pretty much cry and wail over my loss with Clary. 

I needed to forget. 

I wanted to forget. 

"Hell Jace don't lie to yourself, you can never forget her." I mutter to myself. 

Clary POV. 

After I left my window still with tears in my eyes, I rush to the little treasure chest under my bed. 

Frantically trying to open it, as I finally get the latch to open I fumble around until my fingers clasp around the familiar metal. 

I bring it up and stare at it intently as the memories flood through my brain.  
" I still haven't forgotten." I whisper as I readjust the necklace around my neck remembering the last time I wore this, six months ago. How that was the last day

Jace and I talked. 

I told him goodbye.  
In those six months, I searched every inch of my house in search of anything telling me who mystery man was. 

He's Jace. 

The man who walked out on me when I told him I loved him.  
The man who let me get hurt by the black eyed demon.  
The man who I can't seem to get out of my head.  
Why ?

Jace POV.

As sad as it is, I haven't once attempted to speak with Clary since her finding me in the quad with Kaelie.

I see her eager face when I brush past her, and I see it fall as I merely duck my head and carry on without even noticing her. 

It breaks my heart every time.  
But to be honest with myself, I can't afford anymore heartbreak myself. 

The doctors told me to let her come around. 

And maybe that's what I need to do. 

Stop forcing her to come around. 

Just let her come around on her own terms. 

The weeks pass on. 

Until before I realize it, it's been one year since Clary forgot about me.  
Since my life changed forever. 

I rub my eyes with the back of my hands as I sit on the edge of my bed in sweats and a white tank top on, sweat dripping down my face. 

Like any normal night I went on my run passing by Clary's house noticing she's not home.

I pushed my myself home against many voices in my head demanding I go see she's alright, begging me to make sure HE'S not back. 

But I continued home.  
HE is not coming back.  
Clary is fine.  
I need to let it go. 

"Damn it," I yell as I get up knocking over the framed picture of Clary and I. Thunder seems to pulse at that exact moment.

And the rain pours down from the sky. I sit there mesmerized, remembering all the memories Clary and I have in the rain, all the times we would go for bike rides loving the wind in our face mixed with rain.

I tug at the ends of my roots trying to let myself forget for the overwhelming guilt that consumes me. I shake myself out of this.  
I jog downstairs to get some water, passing by Izzy's room I hear her quiet sobs knowing she remembers. 

I mean how could we not remember the hopelessness we felt in that time only to be rendered once again hopeless after she woke up.  
I bow my head and continue on my way promising myself I would check on her later to make sure she's alright. 

I sigh "Clary, please." I mutter to myself like a madman calling his loved back from the death.  
Who knew getting some water can really get me thinking. As I leave the kitchen fully hydrated I make my way up to Izzy's room, I knock,  
" Iz, please come out, I'm hurting too. Please Iz you're all I have right now, to help me, Please, Iz I'm sor-"I break off as I hear loud knocks followed by a frantic screaming. 

I bolt downstairs begging it not to be the voice I so deeply believe know it is. 

I throw open the doors as a soaking wet red haired beauty collapses in my arms hugging me tight around the waist repeating over and over again

" Jace, I'm so sorry, Jace, Jace, Jace, Jace, I can't believe it. Jace, please don't let me go please, Jace, please." She breaks off as sobs rack her body.

Over the initial shock of this happening I quickly wrap my arms around her and crush her to me, whispering comforting words.

Mostly the one she seems to want to hear the most "Clary shh, I forgive you Clary I really do, you don't know how long, Clary, shh"  
She momentarily stop trying to suffocate herself in my chest and looks up with her huge green eyes. 

"Really Jace ? You forgive me ?" She whispers. I grab her face in-between my hands and look her straight in the eye. 

"I have never been more sure about anything in my entire life."  
As excepted Izzy comes downstairs yelling " Jace who the hell is at the door, please don't tell me Kaelie came back cause if she did-" She breaks off as she sees the scene unfolding before her. 

"Finally" she whispers as new tears run down her face.  
I'm positive my face mirrors her own. Because when I look down there's a tear falling down my face.

I hug Clary a little closer telling Izzy to go get her some of her clothes that don't fit her anymore for Clary. 

I lead Clary to the couch as she snuggles back against me tears running down her face. 

"Clary, what was upsetting you so much?" I ask softly not wanting to send her into hysterics again. 

"Jace he's back. Sebastian he sent me a note today, he he said he was going to kill me," she breaks off as sobs rack her body as she desperately clutches to my t-shirt.  
I see red, as I think of that filthy loser coming anywhere near her, but then come to think of it, is Clary only here cause she needs my help would she be here if he wasn't back? 

Before I can stop my actions I rip my shirt from her hands and stand up knocking her to the floor.

She looks up at me with her green confusion clouding them.  
"So that's it right, come back to the fool who's been begging your forgiveness for the past year. Only come back to me when you need saving from the big bad guy, yeah Clary who are you fooling, you had me chasing you for a year. I thought you were back because you loved me, not because you had some psychopath after you." I break off in a deadly calm voice knowing that's when I'm at my angriest.  
Hurt and anger cloud her eyes, and she gets up and looks me dead on.

"Really Jace you think this is easy for me. I've had to mentally forget everything because of the hurt of it all. Do you know what it's like to be constantly beaten by the person who supposedly loves you? To see your best friends turn their head as if shamed by the sight of me. I was left with nothing but hurt after you walked out on me professing my love for you. Abandonment, confused and lonely was how I spent the last four years. You think I didn't remember? Your wrong Jace Lightwood, I remembered every detail about the last four years. I remembered the beatings, the stares, but most of all i remember all the hurt I endured from you. But somehow I still loved you throughout it all. I guess maybe I was wrong for loving you this whole time. Maybe I should have moved on. If you honestly think I came back here to feel protected then you're wrong. I came back to finally be able to feel loved." She gives me one last cold stare and bolts through the door with tears rolling down her face, her wet jeans flapping against her legs. I stand there momentarily stunned and almost want to kill myself for being such an idiot. I had her.

She came back and I had to ruin it.  
I run trying to catch up with her. 

The rain pounds against my face and my tank top sticks to my torso but I don't give up, I can faintly make out her bright red hair flowing in the rain, I speed up.  
I feel like time is passing in slow motion.

I catch up to her all the while screaming her name. As I see her petite frame in front of myself, I reach out and grab her arm pulling her towards me.

She lets out a little yelp as her face connects with my soaked chest.

She tries breaking free of my hold by wiggling and screaming to let her go. But I'm not having any of it. I

crush her harder to me and whisper in her ear "I'm sorry Clary, I'm sorry I'm not even a fraction of what you deserve, I'm sorry I'm the person you had to fall in love with, I'm sorry. Clary please I'm sorry I love you so much it hurts, so much that this past four years has been hell. Hell this past year has been more of a hell then anything knowing you chose not to remember me. Clary I'm begging for your forgiveness."

I tuck a stray strand of her beautiful hair behind her ears all the while her eyes are on mine.

She's stop resisting and is now breathing shallow breathes. It raining really hard now and its soaking us to our very core but none of us care.

Were finally together that's all that matter. I grab her face between my hands and trace her lips with my thumb.

She closes her eyes as one tear slips down her face and onto my hand.

I slowly lean down towards her, a gasp slips out of her but my lips are there to silence it.  
Kissing Clary is pure heaven.  
Her soaked hands find its way around my neck and begins playing with my hair, while I wrap my arms around her waist pulling her flush against myself. 

All the anger confusion and hurt is thrown into this kiss. As if we could just show each other what four years without one another has done to us. 

" I love you Jace." She whispers against my lips.

For the first time in four years, I'm not numb.

**_OMFG. YAY!  
im really happy with this chapter.  
I hope you guys are to. :)  
reviewsplease i appreciate alll of them !  
-lilapattinson :)_**


	14. Chapter 14

_**Clary POV,**_

My mind is in overdrive. 

I'm actually kissing my true love in the rain. 

I'm kissing Jace in the rain. 

The man I swore to never love again. 

To never give my heart away to. 

I pull away and stare through my soaked eyelashes at his captivating golden orbs, a blush spreads through me as I realize my fingers are still intertwined in his hair.  
"God, i've missed making you blush" Jace whispers.

This of course makes me blush harder and i duck my head in his shoulder.

I nuzzle my head in his shoulder as our soaked bodies are once against flush against eachother. His hand is on my lower back rubbing cercles as he sweetly kisses my head and rests his chin on it.  
"As much as I would love to stay here, I don't want you getting sick when I just got you back" I shiver from the sudden surge or warmth that spread through me as he whispers huskily in my ear. I bit my lip and nod in his shoulder.

Suddenly I feel an arm under my knees and one across my torse lifting me up. I stiffen but relax when I hear the faintest whisper

"Clary, shh I'm here" I melt into Jace.

I quickly doze off at the steady rhythm of his heart.  
I jolt awake by a loud squeal and two arms wrapping awkwardly around my torso given my position to give me a huge hug.  
I recongnize the midnight hair immediately.  
Isabelle.  
Before Jace can even scold his sister, I hop down from his arms and gather Izzy into a huge hug. I start crying as four years of wasted time comes crashing down on me.  
Jace I imagine is fidgeting trying to get me back into his arms while Izzy smoothes my hair and whispers comforting words in my ear.  
Without even a glance at Jace Izzy ushers me upstairs to her room.

Tears cloud my vision as I try to climb up the stairs without causing any accidents to myself or anything around me. 

I sit on Izzy's bed and brace myself for the questions.  
"Clary. I don't know what you went through for four years but, if you need anybody to talk to I'm here. Clary your my bestfriend and these past four years have been hell for me. I miss my Barbie Clary days."

I chuckle at that. Izzy loved playing Barbie.  
I look Izzy in the eyes,

" Izzy, I need to tell you. I need to tell someone. Nobody know the details. But you have to promise not to give me pity, I hate pity,"

Izzy engulfs me in a hug and states loud and clear

" Never." 

And that's when for the first time in four years I told someone everything that has happened for the past four years.

_**IM THE ABSOLUTE WORST, im soo sooo soo sooorrrryyyy!  
I know i haven't updated in like foreverrr, but i will be more often now.  
Clary's whole ordeal is gonna be explained in the next chapter,  
i needed Isabelle to come in, in a very emotional bestfriend way,,,  
Jace is not far behind, ;)  
review please ? *puppydog face* :3  
thank you for all your support and for 103 reviews ! yay!  
-lilapattinson**_


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